You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
