I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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