I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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