i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize