Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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