Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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