and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
