We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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