What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
