just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
