jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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