New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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