Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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