WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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