Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
