its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
