then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
