Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
