is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
