It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
