I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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