She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have fence marks all over my body
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
