ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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