I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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