ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
