Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
