can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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