I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
