The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
