mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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