Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
