I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
