just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize