There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize