Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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