There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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