does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
