My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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