We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
