That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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