Whod you bang
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
