I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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