this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
