Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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