those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
