this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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