Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
