You really coming over, don't trick.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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