i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
