why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
