she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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