I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
