I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
