anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize