oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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