I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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