I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
