So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
