You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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