i already hear my dad disowning me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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