dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
