the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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