I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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