I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
