Can Purell be used as lube?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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