I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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