You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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