i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wear drunk well.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
