he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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