Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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