So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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