Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
