You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
