We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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