I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's like iHOP with fire
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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