im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
