Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
