He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
