Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
