so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
did i walk over a car last night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
