yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
