I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
