I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize