if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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