I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
