i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
