I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
