but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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