Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Your dad touched me again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
