I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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