this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
