I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
