What a fucking waste of an outfit
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
