Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
