so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
