i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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