Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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