And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
