Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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