Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
