Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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